i'm not sure where to start here - things have been pretty stressful for the last eight weeks.  den left for his bi-annual contract work at the end of february and the girls and i have had a rather tough go of things since.  when we finally felt the ominous black cloud breaking up a few weeks ago, we had no idea it was the calm before the storm.

we had known for sometime that we had water damage in our building - however, we did not realize the extent of it until just two weeks ago.  the apartment  on the fourth floor was condemned due to excessive black mold and air quality in the common spaces of the building was considered toxic.  the only help in this matter we were receiving from our landlord was the gesture of letting all tenants out of their leases immediately.  while the girls were in school over the next few days, i looked at every apartment available in our neighborhood - nothing was going to work due to timing, size or price.  with no family in new york, i had to make the difficult choice to put all of our household goods in storage, pull the girls out of school and head south to north carolina to stay with family while i tried to figure out our next move.

my family has been trying to talk us into moving to north carolina for some time - my siblings are there and my parents plan on retiring there as well.  on a whim, we thought that since we were heading south, we might as well check out asheville as a possible new home.  one of my best friends selflessly gave up a week to make the drive south with us and check out the city.  we fell in love with it.

but i received a phone call from home our first night there.  my mother was in the er and just had five pounds of fluid pumped from her chest - she required open heart surgery for a valve replacement.  so we headed to omaha.  and here we are.  the surgery is monday and we are told she will be in very good hands - i am holding it together - but feel myself ebbing closer to a breaking point everyday.  so much upheaval in two weeks - things are still very surreal and every time the whisper of the reality of all of this touches me, i push it away - i don't have time to break... not yet.  i feel like we never got the chance to say goodbye to brooklyn - to our friends there - in a way i felt like we were running away - those are emotions i am still working through. i keep reminding myself that nyc and i are not done... we have a future together - it just may not be what i originally envisioned.  we have not ruled out returning this summer and finding a new apartment, but our experience these last few weeks was so disenchanting, i am not sure that will happen.  with den on this contract schedule for the next few years, i need to be closer to my family... asheville is the top contender right now.

one silver lining in all of this is that den's last contract is here in omaha - even though he is working nights - we can be together again.

more soon... hopefully good news...