i'm not sure where to start here - things have been pretty stressful for the last eight weeks.  den left for his bi-annual contract work at the end of february and the girls and i have had a rather tough go of things since.  when we finally felt the ominous black cloud breaking up a few weeks ago, we had no idea it was the calm before the storm.

we had known for sometime that we had water damage in our building - however, we did not realize the extent of it until just two weeks ago.  the apartment  on the fourth floor was condemned due to excessive black mold and air quality in the common spaces of the building was considered toxic.  the only help in this matter we were receiving from our landlord was the gesture of letting all tenants out of their leases immediately.  while the girls were in school over the next few days, i looked at every apartment available in our neighborhood - nothing was going to work due to timing, size or price.  with no family in new york, i had to make the difficult choice to put all of our household goods in storage, pull the girls out of school and head south to north carolina to stay with family while i tried to figure out our next move.

my family has been trying to talk us into moving to north carolina for some time - my siblings are there and my parents plan on retiring there as well.  on a whim, we thought that since we were heading south, we might as well check out asheville as a possible new home.  one of my best friends selflessly gave up a week to make the drive south with us and check out the city.  we fell in love with it.

but i received a phone call from home our first night there.  my mother was in the er and just had five pounds of fluid pumped from her chest - she required open heart surgery for a valve replacement.  so we headed to omaha.  and here we are.  the surgery is monday and we are told she will be in very good hands - i am holding it together - but feel myself ebbing closer to a breaking point everyday.  so much upheaval in two weeks - things are still very surreal and every time the whisper of the reality of all of this touches me, i push it away - i don't have time to break... not yet.  i feel like we never got the chance to say goodbye to brooklyn - to our friends there - in a way i felt like we were running away - those are emotions i am still working through. i keep reminding myself that nyc and i are not done... we have a future together - it just may not be what i originally envisioned.  we have not ruled out returning this summer and finding a new apartment, but our experience these last few weeks was so disenchanting, i am not sure that will happen.  with den on this contract schedule for the next few years, i need to be closer to my family... asheville is the top contender right now.

one silver lining in all of this is that den's last contract is here in omaha - even though he is working nights - we can be together again.

more soon... hopefully good news... 

Comments

[barbi]

so glad to know that you are okay. I think you and I share the same birthday and I was worried when you did not post for a while. things will get better. sometimes life gets a little scary. but those angel babies with their suckers will surely put a smile on your face.

[abby]

Oh Lordy...I wish I could just give you a big old hug right now. Here's to hoping the next eight weeks will be awesome, amazing and full of love. xo

[Carol]

Sending positive thoughts your way Jen. I hope that the stress eases up soon for you and your Mother recovers well.

[Chloe]

I hope your ma is ok. It sounds as if you're one tough and exceptionally talented cookie, so I don't doubt you will come out shining on the other side. Sending you love and hugs from London.

[Leah]

Oh love, you are in it, aren't you. Sending you all the strength and love and healing powers I've got, to you and your mama, and to all of the craziness. You are tough, lady, but it's ok to not feel it. Breathe as much as you can and we'll be giving you hugs from all corners of the earth.

xoxoxox

[Mary Catherine]

You all are in my thoughts! This is a lot of what I felt the first time we left NYC, driving off in a moving van at midnight. But we came back, in a different way years later. Even if you don't move back, NYC is always there whenever you need a helping of it. Sending lots of good thoughts your way! Xo

[Joy]

What a rough period time. I wish your mother all the best! Get well soon!

[Amanda]

you need lots of hugs, lady.
sending big ones from vancouver.
and littler ones for littler cherubs.
im here anytime you need to talk xoxo

[Cristina]

Wherever you are the work and play you share here inspires and delights.

All good wishes for healing and peace to you and your family as you pull through together.

[tracy]

sending love your way! Prayers to your mom too!

[sarah]

I hope everything turns out okay for you, and I wish all the best for your mother.

[andi]

make sure you find the space and time to have that little breakdown. it's hard, but when you push it down for too long, it can come out when you least want it.

many hugs and strength during such a trying time.

[Aerussell.wordpress.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and all the stressful things that have come your way recently. I wish you and your family all the best and will send out a prayer for you.

[ashley]

oh lady, I am sending you the biggest hugs and best wishes. take care of yourself and know that we're all thinking of you and your mum. all my love xox

[jen]

another silver lining is that this photo is so darn cute. give them all giant hugs and kisses! i'll be thinking about your mom and praying for a speedy recovery.

[Sis]

Wow, such difficult times right now for you. I'll be praying for your mom and for your decision making. Hang in there...

[Edietobias1]

Seems so unfair to have so much to handle at one time. Hoping your mother makes a fast and easy recovery. As a former east coast girl, who now lives in Los Angeles, I feel your pain. I love the West coast terribly, but still keep a little house in Winston-Salem NC. It's my secret place to escape to, and I dream about it when I am not there. You will find the perfect spot because home is always where the heart is. This, I know for sure. xo

[Renee]

Oh goodness, what a lot to deal with all at once. I'm sending lots of love and good thoughts your way. Just know you do have the strength to make it through this and everything will turn out ok. Lots of love to you and your family.

[first came love]

my prayers go out to your family. They are very lucky to have such a strong woman in their lives. I certainly would have broken down by now. Trust that there will be a silver lining.... much love.

[neal carpenter]

I can't imagine all you've been through. For what it is worth, Asheville is a truly magical place. I'd move there if I could. There are also some amazing photographers and some awesome restaurants. I know you will love it.

[Meghan @ Life Refocused]

Sending healing thoughts to your mom and all good energy to you and your family. Not that we've met, but I'm just down the road in Lincoln if you need anything!!! xoxo

[vanessa joie]

sending so much love to you and your family. you're a brave woman and i feel certain that life holds good things for you.

i love this line from letters to a young poet:

"You must realize that something is
happening to you,

that life has not forgotten you,

that it holds you in its hand
and will not let you fall."

[Mary Schannen]

I just 'discovered' you today and adore your work. I'm so sad to read that you are going through so much. Thoughts and Prayers for you and your family - Hang in there and I look forward to reading/seeing more of your work.

Warmly,

A new fan -

[Jacinda Davis]

My circumstances are not the same as yours, but I am finding in these last two stressful weeks of my own that there are times that it's just best to be close to family. You may not have ever imagined for life to take a turn on you like this, but I know in my case, the lessons that I am learning and the way that it is changing me... I wouldn't trade it for the world, even though it hurts so much. Love to your family and and all the best well wishes to your mom.

[Miranda Porter]

I often pop by your beautiful blog... I am so sorry to hear of the turmoil that has been your last eight weeks! I truly wish brighter days ahead, I wish your mum well and happiness where you decide to reside! X